The six weeks have been busy but thankfully not too hectic. It's not that I've been so wrapped up that I haven't had time to write. I just haven't been in a place to put it all down in words.
I have a lot of changes going on. Some extremely positive and some that are causing some discomfort in my life. Still positive but not all good things are comfortable.
Things with Cricket continue to improve. Our cantering is become much more comfortable and I've progressed to cantering her with one stick and even two sticks. We've had some great rides and an absolutely awesome lesson with Wendy Morgan, 2* Junior Instructor.
I feel very, very close to being able to assess my L3 Freestyle. The only thing holding me back is the feeling that Cricket hasn't quite turned loose to me under saddle. I want to feel that she's more "yes ma'am" than "let me get back to you on that one." Early in our relationship, I convinced Cricket that I had no leadership from atop Zone 3. I lacked confidence and was fearful, anxious and inconsistent. I allowed her to set direction, speed and even control the duration of our ride. My confidence has taken a quantum leap in the last year and I'm ready to be the leader. Cricket isn't so sure . . . yet.
On the ground, she rarely challenges me. Sure, she'll have her "I don't wanna and you can't make me" moments but we figure it out and move on. That has more to do with her left-brain, introvert nature and my developing savvy than it does with who is actually in charge.
I'm not too worried about it because it's improving with every ride. Even when she questions me or asserts her dominance over my direction, I'm learning to be patient and persistent.
Life outside my horses is going well. I applied for and was accepted to graduate school. I registered for classes and I start this fall. I'm nervous about going back to school. I've always been a good student and I loved college and graduate school. But that was when I was a carefree liberal arts major. I'm going back to get my MS in Management with a concentration in Acquisition and Contract Management. Nowhere near as fun as Theological Studies. But, as I discovered, there isn't much money in liberal arts and a degree in Management, coupled with my years of experience, should be a very good thing for future prospects.
The uncomfortable, yet positive, change is in my very personal life. I am taking steps to become healthier and to lose weight. Not an easy topic for me to discuss. I'm intensely personal and introverted. I've made some great strides but am going through a stage of self-sabotage. I totally recognize it, know it needs to stop but am still sliding down that slope. Why is it so hard to love/like myself enough to do what is best and right?
So there's my life in a nutshell. I promise to blog specifically on my lesson with Wendy because it was just that awesome that it needs its own post.
1 comment:
Sometimes my bad habit is more than the unhealthy actions, but the habit of judging myself, an attachment to finding myself imperfect. Could it be I resist a healthy change because it feels like I am tempting fate to fly too close to the sun? I think to love yourself does not always feel "right" in our protestant culture.
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