I wonder if there will ever come a day when fear and lack of confidence stop biting me in the butt. Sometimes I think we've conquered the demons and then there are the days that remind me we still have the proverbial "miles to go before we sleep."
I cannot look at this in short strokes. My journey with Cricket has to be measured in months and even years. When I look back on everything we've accomplished, I know we are taking more steps forward than back. But it's those backward steps that seem to stick out the most.
This is where I most need to work on my discipline and emotional confidence.
I rode Cricket on Friday evening. I had gone to watch some friends take a jumping lesson. I want to learn to jump. It feels like flying and I love the sensation. I went to the barn after the lesson rather than just feed and go home, I took advantage of the lovely evening and decided to ride my horse.
There was nothing particularly bad about the ride. But I managed to ruin everything good by focusing on everything that wasn't letter perfect. Instead of concentrating on the basics and working on the patterns, I pushed myself to do things for which I wasn't prepared. I caused Cricket to loose confidence in my leadership. Ugh. Will I ever get this right?