Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony. ~ Thomas Merton

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Pendulum Swings

I wonder if there will ever come a day when fear and lack of confidence stop biting me in the butt. Sometimes I think we've conquered the demons and then there are the days that remind me we still have the proverbial "miles to go before we sleep."

I cannot look at this in short strokes. My journey with Cricket has to be measured in months and even years. When I look back on everything we've accomplished, I know we are taking more steps forward than back. But it's those backward steps that seem to stick out the most.

This is where I most need to work on my discipline and emotional confidence.

I rode Cricket on Friday evening. I had gone to watch some friends take a jumping lesson. I want to learn to jump. It feels like flying and I love the sensation. I went to the barn after the lesson rather than just feed and go home, I took advantage of the lovely evening and decided to ride my horse.

There was nothing particularly bad about the ride. But I managed to ruin everything good by focusing on everything that wasn't letter perfect. Instead of concentrating on the basics and working on the patterns, I pushed myself to do things for which I wasn't prepared. I caused Cricket to loose confidence in my leadership. Ugh. Will I ever get this right?


Tina said...

Welcome to the club. Just remember, horses have an amazing capacity for forgiveness.

Lisa said...

Thanks for the vote of support. Yesterday (Cricket's birthday) was much better. I just played with her where she was it it was lovely. Duh! You think after seven years in the program I'd have figured that concept out by now.