I'm having an Eeyore day. And I mean Eeyore in the gloomiest of gloomiest ways. I feel like I'm under my own personal black rain cloud.
My back is hurting. It's been hurting off and on for several weeks and nothing seems to make it better. It eased off tremendously after my last Pilates session but it's back with a vengence right now.
I had a really good weekend. A very good friend of mine came to visit. She brought a horse and her darling daughter. It was fun to have a "grown-up girl slumber party" for a few days. As an introvert it was terribly exhausting but the company was fantastic. My back was feeling good so I was able to ride on Friday. Cricket was fantastic. We just did a little walk and trot in the arena and then in an open paddock. There wasn't a single hint of her headshaking so that made it a very good day. Saturday we did a little liberty in the round corral and she started to offer me her close range circle game again. I feel our liberty connection is becoming more and more solid.
Then something happened Saturday afternoon that has turned everything upside down. I don't want to go into the details because that's not appropriate.
It relates to my audition assessment. It's causing me to completely re-evaluate my participation in and commitment to Parelli as an organization. It's is making me nervous and sick to my stomach. I hate feeling this way. I'm trying to put things in perspective. I'm trying to muster all my emotional fitness. But I am at such a fragile place with my horse and it's hard. It may be one of the hardest moments in my whole journey.
I just don't know if this is fun any more. It seems around every corner lurks another obstacle and they seem to be piling up faster than I can deal with them. I just don't know.