Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony. ~ Thomas Merton

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Bad Day

Yesterday was a bad day. On a couple of levels. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I'm trying not to feel like a complete hypocrite. It's not exactly working.

I rode yesterday. It wasn't completely awful but it feels as if it was. Of course that's my skewed "you idiot" perspective. Cricket was okay at first but then she started headshaking. Something she hasn't done in ages. And she's developed this habit of going backwards when I ask her for forward. I got frustrated and I got mad. I finally dismounted when she would walk when I asked and halt when I asked. She was happy to follow me out of the arena, wait while I fastened the gate and walk calmly to the paddock to graze - all at liberty.

What went wrong? Buggered if I know. She's been off her spirulina and chastetree berry for a few days. She's been on more clover and maybe her calcium/magnesium balance is off. I was hungry and that always affects my focus and calmness. I felt like I had to ride her rather than really wanting to ride her. I tried to ride the horse I had last Wednesday instead of the horse that showed up this Monday. Emotionally, I was scattered and probably transmitting all that garbage to my horse. Maybe it was one of these things and maybe it was just a bad day.

And then we got the bad news and the bad day got a little worse.

The abscess in Bolder's left front foot is not just an abscess. It's the beginning of his hoof collapsing. There are so many things wrong with sweet Bolder's left front foot but suffice to say, it's compromised. A combination of detached hoof wall, thin soles, deteriorating coffin bone and abnormal hoof wall growth have resulted in a declining foot. Becky knew this would happen. She just hoped it wouldn't happen so soon. The foot is cast with support material and Bolder will be able to get around, quite comfortably, for the next 1-3 weeks, however long the casting lasts.

He'll spend his last days in sunshine and spring grass, surrounded by the herd he's come to love.

I have a special place in my heart for Bolder. He is a sweet gelding and I've been caring for him for several months. He's a bit of a special case - a hard keeper, only one eye, bad knees and a funky foot. He has oodles of charisma and he is still quite the charmer, courting the ladies every chance he gets.

Bolder was born the same year, the same month even, as my Moose. They share parentage - Bolder is a grandson of Bold Ruler and Moose a great-grandson. It's going to hit just a little close to home when we have to say good-bye.


Naturally Gaited said...

Oh man, Lisa, I'm so sorry. You will have to be extra patient with yourself for a while.

Best wishes,


Lisa said...

Thanks, Clare. I was too hard on Cricket and I'm probably being too hard on myself. Your blog post was incredibly helpful for perspective. Thanks for sharing.

~ Lisa

Tina said...

I think it's something in the air and MN and TN are definitely sharing this air! I have had the same frustrations and the same backwards instead of forwards issues. How strange! Hang in there...today my ride was quite nice, so there's hope!

Lisa said...

Tina ~ thanks! I didn't ride yesterday. Just fed, kissed noses and watched the ponies romp in the field. Cricket, of course, held no grudge. She was as happy to see me as ever. God bless her forgiving nature!

I increased Cricket's magnesium and tomorrow I'll get her back on her spirulina. I just hope she's relaxed enough to handle my Centered Riding lesson tomorrow.

Ugh! My kingdom (not that it's much of one) for an EASY horse!

~ Lisa