Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony. ~ Thomas Merton

Monday, June 21, 2010

Day 5-7: Approach Avoidance

So it seems I'm a little conflicted. Nothing new.

This weekend I experienced some serious approach-avoidance issues with going to the barn. I've been great guns and all of a sudden Whoosh! there went my motivation.

Have I mentioned I suck at "middles"? Who knew Day 5 constituted the middle of a 30 day program. Apparently I also suck at math.

I need to make the decision to keep Bleu or give her back. While I appreciate the 2 month trial period, it just prolongs the agony of the actual decision. Just rip the damn band-aid right off. Please.

Because right now she's floating in that space of mine, but not quite. And I keep talking about future plans with her, always caveated by "assuming I keep her." Well, why the hell am I making plans for the winter if I'm not going to keep her?

My plan was to finish this 30 day program, the end of which coincides with the end of my trial period. Perfect time to make a decision. But I think I just need to bite the bullet. Sign on the dotted line. Resign myself to a life of blissful pony-poverty.

I didn't exactly meet my criteria of "10 minutes of something positive and progressive" this weekend. I just didn't feel up to it. And that's okay.

With Bleu, I did some "leave your stall and the world does not end" friendly game. One day we just hung out in the hallway and I let her eat off the hay bales. Another day, I just took her into the arena and hung out while other horses "worked."

Cricket - just friendly time. We had a big first - I rode her bareback and bridless out of the arena. On a whim, I hopped on her from the tailgate of my truck. I did have the sense to put a string around her neck and take a carrot stick with me. Little good it did. Let's just say it gave me the illusion of control. Oh well. Let's just say that as long as my idea was "go wherever and graze" then she was following my leadership. But it was fun and just a little reckless and it certainly wasn't over-thought. If anything it was under-thought. I'd say that's progress - for me.


Parelli Central said...

I love your blog! Very fun to read... 60 play sessions in 30 days. Wow, that's quite a task! Good luck and keep up the great play...

Petra Christensen
Parelli 1Star Junior Instructor

Naturally Gaited said...

Do you find that Bleu is meeting YOUR needs? I have a tendency just to make a decision (even a lame one) in order to not have it hanging over my head - "great generals" and such! (Tenley & Michelle will confirm this..)

There are so many great critters out there looking for homes. I'm so happy that I went out of my way to identify what I really wanted in a partner, and then to seek out Guinness instead of letting just another horse get sucked into the empty space in my barn.

Just checking! :-)