Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony. ~ Thomas Merton

Monday, September 21, 2009

Decisions and Acceptance

I have made a decision and I must accept the consequences of my choice. I may not complain about the decision I have made. I am free, at any time, to change my decision. I may not complain about that choice either.

Sometimes I have a hard time accepting the decisions I have made. While I won't budge on my choice, I feel perfectly entitled to complain and whine about "poor pitiful me." No more!

When I bought Cricket I didn't know enough to know that I should have walked away. Actually, I should never have gone to look in the first place. In the six years since then, I've learned a lot about my mare and even more about myself. I know enough to make a decision.

I know that horses teach humans and humans teach horses. I know Cricket and I end up at points where neither of us knows what to do.

I know Cricket has introverted tendencies. I know that she is dominant, left-brained, supremely self-confident. I know all of this mixed together makes for slower progress.

I know she is wicked sensitive. This coupled with her introversion only intensifies the challenge.

I know she is a headshaker. This is something I cannot cure. I can manage it by the way I care for her and I can try to teach her how to be more tolerant.

I know I have confidence issues and Cricket needs a confident rider.

I know I should have a nice steady been there, done that horse.

I know all of this and my decision is to keep Cricket. I love her too much. Because this is the decision I have made, I will accept the consequences of that decision. I will accept that the needs of my horse come before the goals I have for my horsemanship. I will accept that our progress through Level 3 will be slow. I will accept that my friends will accomplish things ahead of me. I will accept that I cannot have a second horse. I will accept this is my "harness" and I will endeavor to find freedom by becoming easy within these boundaries.


Tina said...

Yea for you. I've had to accept many of the same things in my journey, and understand where you are. I'm glad you're committed to Cricket and to following the journey that she leads you on. Pat always says that we're a human and a horse on a vessel together...this is our horsemanship journey. I've had to accept that the horse is the one steering the ship, not me.

Lisa said...

I have to keep repeating it to myself. I don't know if Cricket is stering but she definately has the navigation charts!

I leave for camp a week from Friday. Carol has agreed to help me in any way she can. Cricket is on her new "headshaking support" supplement regimin and we'll see how it all plays out.

Thanks for your support!