Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony. ~ Thomas Merton

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

What Do You Do?

What do you do when you feel like giving up?

What do you do when it just feels like too much?

What do you do when it's just not fun anymore?

What do you do when you come to that place where you say, "I just cannot do this any longer"?

Because I'm there and I don't know what to do.

I am so overwhelmed by the responsibility of Cricket that I feel paralyzed.

It struck me hard the other day how tired I am. I'm tired of trying to figure out what is going on with her. I'm tired of researching answers for her headshaking. I'm tired of hitting the same wall over and over and over. I'm tired.

Emotionally she is draining me. I know her headshaking is not behavioral and I know she's trying as hard as she can. But sometimes that's not enough. Financially she's bleeding me dry. The cost of boarding coupled with everything I'm trying to alleviate her headshaking is taking all my available resources.

I need help and there is no one here to help me.

I have camp in a few weeks. Maybe there will be some answers there. I don't know. I'm a little tired of waiting to see if something is around the corner.


Tina said...

Lisa, hang in there!

When I get to where you are, I usually throw a big tantrum, threaten to sell my horse, fume and pout until I finally go to my instructor and have her give me some tips, remind me that this is a quarterly pattern for me, and remind me of the progress we're making in spite of my attitude.
: )

What I should do instead is step back leave my horse alone for a couple days until I come out of the funk, find a way to get re-inspired, and concentrate on something easy so we both feel like winners for a change.

Right now, cantering online is the bane of my existence. She can canter just fine under saddle, but throws a fit about it online. Whenever I try it, I go all "normal" get really pissy and turn into a person neither my horse or I like. So, instead of dwelling on it, I'm ignoring it. I still occasionally think about it and research/ask for advice, but since I know it sets me off, I'm not doing it until I have some more strategies.

Slow down, back up, get some help. Most of all...don't give up. Cricket loves and needs you!

Tina said...

Also, for help...search and ask for help on the SC forum, the "it's about the horse" forum or one/some of the yahoo groups. Email an instructor (Carol makes sense since you'll be seeing her soon) or several instructors and higher level students and ask some questions. It can't hurt and you might get some insights that will help.

I've gone the email anyone and everyone route before and it works!

Lisa said...

Thank you so much for you kind support. I don't know what happened. I found myself at the lowest point I've ever been. Coupled with my difficulty with Cricket, I began to resent how many people were coming to me for help. How could I help them when I was in such need myself?

Yesterday was a big "friendship affirming" day. I was reminded, in so many sweet ways, how many people love and care for me.

Wednesday I had a great warm-up with Cricket and had we been able to ride I feel it would have been good. My best friend is coming to ride with me this weekend (we're prepping for camp!) Another friend is coming to help me on Sunday. Carol is going to ride Cricket at camp to help me gain more insight about her.

All in all, I'm feeling better. A good cry and the reassurance of my friends has been wonderful.


Michelle AKA arabhorselover1 said...

Lisa--I can totally identify with you because one of my two (you know which one) does not make the relationship easy, at all. Hang in there and know I am thinking of you. --Michelle/arabhorselover1

Michelle AKA arabhorselover1 said...

Lisa--I can identify with you and know that I am thinking of you. One of my two makes it very difficult at times and I know your frustration (you know who I am talking about).


(This is a repost becuase my comment seemed to vanish. Sorry if you get two comments anyway.)

Lisa said...

Michelle ~ thank you so much for your support. Cricket is such an enigma of a horse. As someone so aptly put it "she looks like a big lump, why is she so difficult?"

A sensitive, emotional LB introvert is the biggest challenge imaginable!

~ Lisa